Outrageous Malfunction

Basic Instructions, that is. How to wash a cat, in particular. I have literally LOL’d until I have tears in my eyes. Well, they’re no longer in my eyes, sort of on the exterior of my visual portals. Whatever.

If metal is a horse, indie is a cow. A horse is a companion, a comrade. A cow is delicious, but it’s not something you can depend on. Me, I’d rather spend an hour adventuring through Asgard, journeying deep into the land of the runes before returning recharged to face my struggles, then spend an evening in my bedroom strumming a guitar and stressing over the cultural zeitgeist.

AMON AMARTH FOR PRESIDENT: Why Viking metal kicks fey Brooklyn ass

If you got Rick-rolled while on hold with a major wireless carrier, now you know who to blame.

A new mnemonic (to me):

Please
Do
Not
Touch
Suzie’s
Pink
Ass

One I’d heard before, but forgotten:

Please
Do
Not
Throw
Sausage
Pizza
Away

Armored-car robber in Monroe flees downriver in inner tube

Get yours today! Or not; apparently, in January a set including all four seasons will ship.

quick transcription from “until the studioshit load”:

1) when this album does a hundred thousand times more than the Alice in Chains one, then you can party all you fuckin’ want
2) you can buy Jerry fuckin’ huge rocks to climb up together, man
1) you’ll be buying him all kinds of shit
3) all sorts of drinks
1) you’ll be flying him wherever you want
2) you guys have keggers with kegs of gin
(laughter)
1) gin keg
2) a little guy on top
3) we should have one of those in the dressing room on the next tour
1) that would be great! gin keg, chilled, totally chilled
3) yeah
2) it looks just like a bottled water bottle, about three times the size
1) got glasses, like, soaking in vermouth. just pull ‘em out, kind of shake ‘em (makes spitting sound). A little olive container - we’ll be stylin’!
3) we’ll be able to do like
2) olive tree
3) one show a week
1) yeah! that’s it!

Boss. Gin kegs, a little vermouth fountain to chill the glasses, and an olive tree.

Not sure what - apparently a boat bearing some sort of porcine cargo:

He says witnesses on board the sailboat say the motorboat came at them full boar and that it didn’t appear the driver of the motorboat let up on the throttle.