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Welcome to the Bay Area

Coming up on ten years since Tom sent an email which has mutated into more copies than I can keep track of.

From: Tom Pettigrew
Sent: Sunday, March 23, 1997 8:06 PM
To: ‘Paul Williams At Home’; ‘Th’ Rev.’; ‘Ry Jones’
Subject: Welcome to the Bay Area

Care to add to this????

How to tell if you are live in Silicon Valley.
You make $100,000 a year, yet still can’t find a place to live.
Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles away from work.
Stop asking how much things cost but, ask “How long will it take?”
Two-Thirds of the people you know are from Boston or New York, but you are living in PST.
Know vast differences difference between Thai, Vietnemese, Chinese, Japanese, Cantonese, and Korean food.
Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that is not on the consumer market yet.
Go to “The City” on weekends but don’t live there because you like your car.
Think that “I’m going to Fry’s.” is an acceptable excuse to leave the office for a while, and your boss does too.
Lost your alarm clock. You’ll get to work when you get there.
Go to an industrial-heavy-metal bar and see two guys get into a fight over what flavor is unix is better.
Own more than 10 articles of cloathing that have hardware/software companies printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.

From: Ry Jones
To: ‘Paul Williams At Home’, “‘Th’ Rev.'”, ‘Ry Jones’, ‘Tom Pettigrew’,
‘Pete Macko At Home’
Subject: RE: Welcome to the Bay Area
Date: Sun, 03-23-1997 22:07:53 -0800

Half of the items on this list make you laugh, and then say “that’s not funny, it’s true”
You know the nearest 3 Fry’s to where you work.
“Your best buys…” you know the rest.
You know where Woz Way is
You know where Woz is
Streets named “Resistor” and “Floppy Drive” are real places, not jokes
El Camino Real runs north-south, you know this without checking a map.
You know 280N runs west, and 680N runs East.
Even though Microsoft employs quite a few programmers in the Bay Area, they only work on Powerpoint, and the company is still the embodiment of Satan. Even if their stock IS worth more than yours.
Your car is worth less than your computer.

From: “Th’ Rev.”
To: Tom Pettigrew
Cc: ‘Paul Williams At Home’, ‘Ry Jones’
Subject: Re: Welcome to the Bay Area
Date: Mon, 03-24-1997 13:18:06 -0800

You scan the trade journals for discount T-1 prices.
When you need the updated Diamond Monster 3D drivers, you just walk across the street.
You judge high-tech firms by the quality of their lawns.
You own more bandwidth at home than most major universities.
You have to hire security to keep the panhandlers off your terrace (Oakland/Berkeley).
None of the people you work with are Christian (“God? Who *needs* God?”).
Instead of (or, in conjunction with) stealing staplers at the office, you shove rolls of 10baseT in your pockets.
You scan yardsales for back issues of “Dr. Dobbs.”
Your favorite Computer reseller speaks only Cantonese.
Your workplace vending machines dispence “100% natural twig-bars” right next to Jolt cola and Instant Espresso mix.
No one brings radio’s into work – they just use RealAudio and listen to “thedj.com.”
Your co-workers’ hobbies include satelite telemetry, polysorbates, and “Bianca’s Smut Shak.”
Instead of reading magazines or watching TV, your friends trade URL’s.
.f

Written by Ry Jones

21 October 2006 at 12:51

Posted in Humor