Bacon, Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Explosives

Welcome to the Bay Area

Coming up on ten years since Tom sent an email which has mutated into more copies than I can keep track of.

From: Tom Pettigrew
Sent: Sunday, March 23, 1997 8:06 PM
To: ‘Paul Williams At Home’; ‘Th’ Rev.’; ‘Ry Jones’
Subject: Welcome to the Bay Area

Care to add to this????

How to tell if you are live in Silicon Valley.
You make $100,000 a year, yet still can’t find a place to live.
Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles away from work.
Stop asking how much things cost but, ask “How long will it take?”
Two-Thirds of the people you know are from Boston or New York, but you are living in PST.
Know vast differences difference between Thai, Vietnemese, Chinese, Japanese, Cantonese, and Korean food.
Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that is not on the consumer market yet.
Go to “The City” on weekends but don’t live there because you like your car.
Think that “I’m going to Fry’s.” is an acceptable excuse to leave the office for a while, and your boss does too.
Lost your alarm clock. You’ll get to work when you get there.
Go to an industrial-heavy-metal bar and see two guys get into a fight over what flavor is unix is better.
Own more than 10 articles of cloathing that have hardware/software companies printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.

From: Ry Jones
To: ‘Paul Williams At Home’, “‘Th’ Rev.'”, ‘Ry Jones’, ‘Tom Pettigrew’,
‘Pete Macko At Home’
Subject: RE: Welcome to the Bay Area
Date: Sun, 03-23-1997 22:07:53 -0800

Half of the items on this list make you laugh, and then say “that’s not funny, it’s true”
You know the nearest 3 Fry’s to where you work.
“Your best buys…” you know the rest.
You know where Woz Way is
You know where Woz is
Streets named “Resistor” and “Floppy Drive” are real places, not jokes
El Camino Real runs north-south, you know this without checking a map.
You know 280N runs west, and 680N runs East.
Even though Microsoft employs quite a few programmers in the Bay Area, they only work on Powerpoint, and the company is still the embodiment of Satan. Even if their stock IS worth more than yours.
Your car is worth less than your computer.

From: “Th’ Rev.”
To: Tom Pettigrew
Cc: ‘Paul Williams At Home’, ‘Ry Jones’
Subject: Re: Welcome to the Bay Area
Date: Mon, 03-24-1997 13:18:06 -0800

You scan the trade journals for discount T-1 prices.
When you need the updated Diamond Monster 3D drivers, you just walk across the street.
You judge high-tech firms by the quality of their lawns.
You own more bandwidth at home than most major universities.
You have to hire security to keep the panhandlers off your terrace (Oakland/Berkeley).
None of the people you work with are Christian (“God? Who *needs* God?”).
Instead of (or, in conjunction with) stealing staplers at the office, you shove rolls of 10baseT in your pockets.
You scan yardsales for back issues of “Dr. Dobbs.”
Your favorite Computer reseller speaks only Cantonese.
Your workplace vending machines dispence “100% natural twig-bars” right next to Jolt cola and Instant Espresso mix.
No one brings radio’s into work – they just use RealAudio and listen to “”
Your co-workers’ hobbies include satelite telemetry, polysorbates, and “Bianca’s Smut Shak.”
Instead of reading magazines or watching TV, your friends trade URL’s.

Written by Ry Jones

21 October 2006 at 12:51

Posted in Humor

For want of a nail…

The building I work in, the CUE, was flooded last week. At first it seemed like a boneheaded failure lead to mass destruction – but it was actually a subtle design fault exposed by rare circumstance that led to the flooding. A steam event happened in the basement. The entire campus is steam heated, so these are common. A pop off valve either opened or was broken and allowed the steam to vent through a chimney-like structure to the roof. This is as designed. Due to high winds, however, the steam was blown under the fascia covering the HVAC equipment on the roof. The steam heated the underlying ceiling of the penthouse to the point that a sprinkler head in an air plenum popped off, dumping ~4000 gallons of water into the plenum. At this point the fire alarm went off due to the sprinkler dump. The water was trapped in the plenum, and the sprinkler head was not on any of the maps the firefighters had access to. A firefighter broke through a wall and discovered the flooded plenum. Once the determination was made that there was no fire, the sprinklers were shut off. By then, it was way too late. I do not fault the firemen for waiting so long to disable the sprinklers; had there been a fire it was clearly the right thing to do to let them dump. At this time a lot of the water had escaped through the walls and floor of the plenum, flooding the elevator shaft, the penthouse, parts of the fifth floor and parts of the fourth floor. The ceiling in the main conference room failed and a lot of AV equipment was damaged or destroyed. Sheetrock walls were destroyed as were lots of carpet. The true costs will not be known for some time,
but it was an amazing cascade of co-incidence that allowed this failure to happen. They’re going to extend the steam vent above the fascia to prevent it from happening in the future.

Written by Ry Jones

18 September 2003 at 7:00

Posted in WSU